Why Blog?

Yesterday I got the question, WHy Blog THAT? THAT I am assuming is really my life. Why blog about your court stuff? Why blog about your ex? Why put on your blog your past? I don't get the question. isn't blogging suppose to be your life and how you feel about it? making your own chronicle? I understand my life can be kinda morbid or the reality of it all is not so nice. But I go to blogs that people post daily about what life is like after their wife dies in child labor. Or the ravages of cancer on their life. Ok , yeah so I have some domestic BS that I write about, but it's part of my life you see? It's the truth, it's reality. I thought portraying real life was healthy. So many years I had to be the Dr's wife, the nice one, has it all together, perfect. Growing up I was the abused child that had to smile in public or you'd get worse when you got home; I had to be perfect. I got this similar comment last week, why do you put that stuff on the internet?? Is what I have here that bad? is it offensive? I can only imagine a handful of people visit here. So I will answer the question why blog it? Why is it on the internet and then reality will have to stop. I will post about the frills in my life, the niceitites and the rosey. And for those out there who are searching for the one blog that has real life, has reality and needs to see that they are like someone else, will just have to find that in another section of the internet world. I blog everything that goes on in my life because for me writing has always been a healing experience. When I was in fifth grade I started a journal and I have kept with it ever since. of course my stressful years have far more entries and since becoming a mom it probably only has an entry once a month, if that. When I was growing up this world was not the advocate it is now for children. I suffered in silence. As an older child I thought I was the only one with a screwed up family. Being a foster child was ugh, not good for the social scene. If I had one person that I knew I could lean on it would have made the difference. maybe in my blog I think maybe someone is reading that and getting strength from me. Maybe an at home mom hood makes me feel unimportant to this world, especially when lately my two older children seem to have a better life else where and treat me as only someone who can get things done for them. Maybe that feeling is part of motherhood. I blog because maybe someone will leave me an encouraging word, Maybe people would understand me more if they knew what my life was like, where it came from and know it's going somewhere. I was hoping maybe someone found my journey interesting, slightly inspiring. it's like what shouting on a roof top is for some, though a blog would be the passive way to that very same thing, and of course the reality of it is I am a passive person :) I blog so that if my children are ever interested they could see what life was like for me, for us, how it all happened. The more sensible reasons are also to show off the kids, to update family and to keep memories for the kids. I think i was wrong about all this blogging stuff though. I think only a few people can pull off a blog about reality, the good the bad and the ugly. Maybe I just never learned the value of privacy, hardly had it in life, I was a ward of the state, my life was an open book to social workers (which only one by the way let the view of reality sink in and help me), court rooms, and the such. So I guess this will be my last entry that makes you all the reader, my therapist. I am off to find an even more passive way to vent myself. I didn't mean to offend anyone with court talk, or ex talk or the feelings of uncertainty through so much pain, the trials of love after betrayal. Maybe this blog would have worked if it was anonymous, no one knew it was me. Whatever the reason, I will only write about the children because that's what we're al interested in, the future, our children, the minds of tomorrow. I hope you can all forgive me for mistaking the blog as a therapist. I miss Todd, he always seems to understand me even when it feels like no one else does. .
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.Benjamin is doing great. He's so cute! I haven't thought about what milestones he should be doing or what percentile he's in, just enjoying him the best I can. I guess i should start working on tummy time and all that. At two months old he weighs 12lbs 13 oz. Todd took him to his appointment so I don't know about anything else. he did get his first shot and didn't show too much affect from it. We are doing one shot at time because I am paranoid about autism. Maria lost another tooth the other day, top left. The fairy brought the requested $5. 5 quarters and 5 pennies, because you know, she's five, well for at least a few more hrs :) Matthew just had his school party. I know bad mom, it's nearly a month late but he had a blast. Of course now it's on to thank you cards and trying to find a place for all these toys. Tomorrow it's more of birthday land with Maria having her birthday tomorrow. I am bringing cupcakes to school for snack. Then Friday is the Great Escape party then I can finally finish up Birthday world. I hope it's not this hard next year. I think since Benjamin has been born I have been celebrating birth. Todd will be home tomorrow around 6PM, man I can't wait. :)